Episode 39 – Leadership — It’s Not All About You – with Patrick Jinks

[00:00:06] Speaker A: Welcome to the Leadership Window podcast with Patrick Jinx. Each week, through a social sector lens, Patrick interviews leaders and experts and puts us in touch with trends and tips for leading effectively. Patrick is an LSI certified leadership coach, a member of the Forbes Coaches Council of bestselling author, award winning photographer, and professional speaker. And now, here's Patrick. [00:00:34] Speaker B: Hello everyone. Welcome to episode 39 of the Leadership Window podcast. I am Patrick Jinx certified leadership and strategy coach and president of the Jinx perspective, and I'm flying solo today. It's my prerogative to do that every. [00:00:49] Speaker C: Once in a while when I got. [00:00:50] Speaker B: Something on my mind I want to share. And lately in my executive coaching, I've had some people question why we use these various assessments that we use the disc assessment or the Myers Briggs or the Firo B or the team dimensions, motivators, emotional intelligence, all these psychometrics and things that we do. And some people not only question them, but they just don't like them. They're kind of skeptical and cynical about them. And some people have an attitude that they don't want to be pigeonholed. They don't want to be labeled with a letter or a color or some personality type because they're more complex than that. And I agree with them. We're all very complex individuals. And these assessments are not meant to pigeonhole us or label us. They are meant to make us more aware of our blind spots and how we may project to others our default tendencies, behaviors. Our natural inclinations that drive the way we lead sometimes are blind spots for us. We don't realize how those inclinations come off to other people. And so I'm going to share a story with you, actually, a clip, a speech that I gave at universal Studios about three years ago at an event called Success Live. And this was a group of small business owners and entrepreneurs and startups and solopreneurs about leadership. And I didn't really talk about assessments in the speech, but this story that I tell, one of the stories that I tell in the speech has to do with those assessments and the value of them, which is, it's one thing to say, I'm aware of my own behaviors and how I may project, and this assessment helps either affirm that or reveal it to me. The real magic of leadership lies in the understanding of how those that you lead, assess or profile. What is their style? What are their inclinations and tendencies and behaviors, and what's their mo. And the reason we want to understand that as leaders is because we want to meet them where they are and to get the most out of them. We're best as leaders when we use what they leverage as their leadership bent. So what we do instead is we want people to see things through our lens. We want people to operate the way we operate. Understand me, learn me, and I'm the leader. So learn how I lead. The real magic of leadership lies in understanding how others perform and lead and react and respond. And when we can meet them where they are, that's where the power lies. So I'm going to share this speech with you in a minute, but before we do, I want to share a quick word from our sponsor, leadership systems Incorporated, who's got some special value adds exclusively for listeners of the leadership window podcast. So here's Michael to talk about it. [00:04:10] Speaker D: Hey, this is Michael Wallace with Leadership Systems Incorporated. And on behalf of LSI, I want to say thanks for supporting our friend Patrick Jinx and the Leadership Window podcast. We've been partnering with Patrick for many years, and we are so proud to have him represent us as an LSI certified executive coach. As a mutual friend, we'd like to offer you exclusive rates on some of the same training that Patrick has received over the years, as well as some new experiences that we've been developing. Head over to leadershipsystems.com slash Jinx to see the upcoming training events on our calendar and register today to keep learning and growing again. That's leadershipsystems.com Slash Jinx, J I N K S for exclusive pricing on LSI's virtual and in person training events. Thanks a lot. [00:04:52] Speaker B: And leadership systems keeps that page moving because they offer these things multiple times throughout the year. So if you check on that page and the date is already passed, reach out to LSI and ask them when their next training is, because these discounts that they're offering are for future trainings as well. So they generally keep those dates up to date. And there's some really great programs in there. If you're a leader in your organization looking to become a better coach for the people that you lead, LSI is the place to go. And if you're looking to become a coach professionally, LSI is ideal for that as well. They specialize in training coaches. It's where I got my training and certification. So they even have a rigorous certification process if you decide you want to go through that again, either as a leader in an organization or as a coach for business. So we appreciate our partners at LSI. So what I'm going to play for you today here is just about, I think it's about twelve or 13 minutes. It's my speech, my brief speech at an event called Success Live at Universal Studios three years ago to a group of business owners and entrepreneurs. And it's entitled it's not all about you. And again, keep the idea of why we do these leadership assessments as sort of the backdrop and the context for listening to this, because I'm not necessarily talking deeply about the assessments in this speech, but rather the importance of understanding as a leader not only yourself, but those that you lead. So with no further ado, here's me at success live three years ago. [00:06:37] Speaker C: I am very energized to be here today with all of you. There's success in the room. You can feel it. It's very thick. I'm honored and humbled to be here on the success live stage to talk to you about something that's very, very passionate for me. And that is the topic of leadership. I have a keynote that I've delivered at college commencements and conferences and things on a topic that I call lessons in leadership that I didn't get from a book or a classroom. Of all of the lessons I've learned about leadership that I didn't get from a book or a classroom, one reigns paramount. You ready for it? So this is the important one. So I'm going to move in. I'm going to get your pen and paper. If you're taking notes, this is the one. If you don't get any of the other lessons, this is the one I would want you to get. So here we go. Leaders. Here's the lesson. It's not all about you as a leader. It's not all about you. Wow, Patrick, that's edgy. That was kind of rude, little arrogant, little condescending. You kind of got in our face with that. Why do you have to do that? Why the attitude? Because I don't want anyone in here to make the mistakes I've made that it took to get me to learn that lesson. But if it makes you feel any better, there's a part b to the lesson. Maybe this is a little softer. So part a is, it's not all about you. Part b is, some of it is about you feel better, some of it's about you, but it's not all about you. Let me explain. The first time I became a CEO was of a small nonprofit organization in Virginia, about a million dollar budget, five staff. I was confident. I was ready. I had been in management positions. This was the first real leadership position I felt like I had. So I was excited to get going. I was excited for the team to experience my great leadership style that I was going to bring to them. I was absolutely 100% confident that we were going to do amazing things. At least I felt like I had to project that confidence. But I had a staff person who had been there 20 years. She was the finance director. She was amazing at her job. She was exactly the kind of person, if you're running a nonprofit organization, the resources of which the public has entrusted you to steward, you want this person to be your finance director. [00:09:13] Speaker B: The problem was on all of the. [00:09:15] Speaker C: Leadership scales and spectrums, we were completely opposite. So if you are, for example, familiar with the disk assessment, maybe many of you know of the disk assessment. I'm a high d, which stands for dominance driver, decisive. I'm that kind of command and control leader. Big picture, short answers. When a high d asks you a yes or no question, they expect to hear one of two things. Yes or no. That's right. That was me. My finance director was the opposite. She was a high c on the disc assessment, which stands for cautious or conscientious or careful, not the bold, risk taking leader that I am. Two conflicting styles. But she was fantastic at what she did. In fact, a high c is kind of what you want as a finance director of an organization. Very detail oriented, very good at what she did. She had this one little thing that just bothered me. She would come to me and ask permission or approval for little things that didn't really require my permission or approval. And I kind of got a little bothered by it. And the first few times, I kind of reminded her gently, hey, I trust you. You don't need to come to me and ask me about that. If you need to take off early one day or if you need to submit a report without my signature or something. You've been doing this for 20 years. You're great at it. You're perfect at it. You never made a mistake that I've seen. I totally trust you. You don't have to ask me these things. Okay, I'm sorry. I just want to kind of check all the boxes and make sure I'm covering all of the bases. One day she came to me with one of these approval type things, and I snapped at her. I was just kind of tired of it. I'm a high D. I'm kind of like that. If you know Brian Regan, the comedian, he talks about the ME monster that is always feeling like he's the center of the universe and everything needs to kind of revolve right there. So I needed her to fit into my leadership style. I'm in the d box. I need you to live in there. Right? Need. Short, quick. I need you to be the CEO of your role and not require a lot of approval and affirmation and these kinds of things. I just need you to do that. Me. I. Me, my model. So I snapped. I said, look, not only do I not require you to come to me for approval for these things, I need you to stop coming into my office with these kinds of things. Just need you to stop. It's a waste of your time. It's a waste of my time. I trust you. I don't know how to be more clear about this. Please. Well, with her tail tucked between her legs and her head bowed, she kind of backed out of the office and said, I understand. I'm sorry. I'm just checking all my boxes, covering all my bases. When she left, the guy on the stage came to me and got in my face and said, it's not all about you. Like, hey, what are you doing? You are taking the assets, the tools, the core values that this woman has, that she operates off of, that make her successful, that make her good at what she did. Those assets that you need, why are you trying to take those away from her? You see, in her leadership style, form, structure, process protocol, systems, construct, framework, play by the rules, stay in the book, do it right, measure twice, cut once, detail, orientation, cover the bases, check the boxes. Why would you want to take that from her when that's what makes her great? That's not leadership. It's not about me. When she came to me the next time, and of course there was a next time. It's how she operates. She needed to leave early one Friday, and she kind of told me why she needed to, and I decided to take 20 extra seconds of my time and say, okay. Have you sent the budget to the treasurer for the board report next week? Yes. Got it. He's got it. He's on it. It's all good. We're covered. Of course it was. Okay. How's the audit coming? They were just here yesterday. They'll be back in two weeks to wrap it up with an interview for you. It's all good. They said it went very smooth. Excellent. I said, could you do me one favor? Could you make sure that you go to the receptionist and just let her know if you're leaving early? Just let her know when you're leaving. So if the phone rings or someone's looking for you, she kind of knows, and maybe you could forward the calls to me, if that'd be okay. Is there anything you need for me to cover while you're gone? Is there anything any of us need to kind of do or think about while you're gone? Friday? She said, no, everything's covered. We're all good. I don't need any help. Of course she didn't. But she needed me to ask. She needed me to pause and give her the structure and the system. She needed me to help her check those boxes. She had them checked. She wanted me to check them with her. That gave her that firm feeling of I'm operating in my zone as a leader. And the 20 extra precious seconds it took off of my life to give that to her, gave me, in the end, a ten year, probably the most productive, loyal, dedicated, faithful, high performing employee that I ever had in my entire career. It's not all about you, but some of it is. I always think of the one night I had to share a small bed with my older brother. Ten years older than I was. I was seven at the time. He was about 17. We had a bunch of family over, so we had to bunk up together, and it was kind of exciting, only we were in a really small bed, and we had one of these small, little itchy army blankets. If you've ever slept under an army blanket without a sheet, you know exactly what I'm talking about. We were grateful for it because it was cold, but we were kind of struggling and tussling a bit for the blanket. And he said, dang, patrick, you got half the blanket. I was seven. I said, hey, Einstein, I'm supposed to have half the blanket. Some of it's about me. Some of it is about you. As leaders, here's the lesson that I think is helpful to think about. I had a CEO call me CEO of a national nonprofit organization. Branches all over the country. They do ministry. They do service to disability. They have social enterprise. They do lots of health and human services. Huge organization. And she called me up wanting some executive coaching for some of her team. And I said, okay, well, let's talk about that. She goes, I've got an executive director here, and I've got an executive director there, and I want to put this package together, get some executive coaching. And I said, okay. And are you wanting to be a part of that package? And she said, boy, I would love to. I could really use some executive coaching right now, but I want to put them first because I want to make sure that I give them the tools that they need. I'm not an effective leader if I'm not helping my team, so I want to put them before me and great servant leader, those of you that have studied servant leadership, that's where the magic is. And I'm really admiring her, but I said, I appreciate that, and we'll put whoever you need to in the package. But I said, if you don't mind going back. And something caught my ear. You said, you could really use an executive coach right about now. Can you tell me about that? Why do you say that right about now? She goes, we're growing by leaps and bounds. I'm traveling more than ever, so I'm out of my office. I'm having to kind of redevelop my style. I don't want to drop any of the balls that are juggling. We've got branches popping up. I've got new leaders coming on board. This social enterprise thing is blowing up, and I don't really want to miss anything. So I would love to have an executive coach, but we only have so much in the budget, and I really want to put my team first. I said, boy, I really appreciate that. I said, you know, you mentioned doing a lot of traveling, so you probably fly a lot. Do you remember what they say when they're going through the safety protocol in the plane? Do you remember what they say about the oxygen mask? Yeah. She knew it. She goes, yeah. They say in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen mask will drop down. You pull the thing, it might not inflate, but there is still air flowing. Make sure you put the. And she stopped. And I could see her staring at me over the phone, and she goes, I got it. I said, what do you got? She said, I got it. I understand. Tell me, what do they say? I want to hear you say it. She said, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help others. I said, good. Why do you think they say that? Because that's kind of selfish, isn't it? You're sitting on a plane, someone's next to you. You want to help them out. Why do they say that? And she paused for a minute, and she said, you're right. And I said, no, I want to hear you tell me why they say that. She said, because if I can't breathe, I can't help anybody else. [00:18:07] Speaker B: I said, wow, that's powerful. [00:18:10] Speaker C: Long story short, she put herself in the executive coaching package. I want to leave you with that. If you can't breathe, you can't help anybody else. Leadership is not all about you, it is mostly about others. But if we don't take care of ourselves, continue to learn, continue to teach yourself, learn from others. Keep your heart open, keep your mind open, listen, get work, life balance in your life. Understand what that really means. Take some time for you, spend some money on you, go to a conference for you, take a day off for you. So if you can't breathe, you can't help anybody else. This has been amazing. Thank you so much for allowing me some time with you today and have an awesome rest of your event. [00:19:11] Speaker B: Well, there you have it. That was me at success live three years ago at Universal Studios. Listen, as leaders, we've been really stressed over this last year and a half, it seems. [00:19:28] Speaker C: No, I guess just a little over. [00:19:29] Speaker B: A year seems like twelve years. I hope you're carving out time for yourself. I hope you're regenerating, recharging, refreshing, reviving. Because if you can't breathe, you can't help anybody else. We got a bunch of amazing guests coming up over the next three or four weeks, so tune back in. Until then, lead on.